The following incident that I am going to narrate is something many of us would have faced while dealing with adolescent children. I am sure all of us could have tried our best to handle the situation. The narration below will help us get a glimpse of how I handled it.
The incident goes on like this. I was handling class X chemistry then. I was quite popular among my students at that time and had established a good rapport with them. Students were very comfortable with me and came to me whenever they had some problems or when they felt that they need to share something with me. I had allotted a special time for such things and I would address such things during the hours I had allotted.
I made the entire thing as a routine and found a way to help my students to approach me. A few students would come quite often not with any major things, but just to talk with me. I used to subtly tell them about the need to address to others’ issues as well and help them understand. I believe that when the rationale is clearly explained I think every child /student will understand things better. The timing was usually in afternoons or after school hours.
One day after the school hour a boy (Vijay was his name) of class X came to me and said, “Ma’am I want to talk with you. Can I?” I immediately agreed as he was someone who does not open up quickly and demonstrated hesitance to talk any teacher. I said, “Why not? Right away...” He replied, “No ma’am. I need time to muster the courage to open up. I will meet you tomorrow and talk to you about this”. I agreed and we left for the day.
Next day things went normally during class hours. I went to his class and behaved casually. I continued my chemistry class. It was evening and Vijay came to my room. He walked slowly with hesitance in his eyes. I felt that and hence invited him with a warm smile and said, ‘Come in Vijay. I am waiting for you”. He walked in and I asked him to be seated. He did so and I found that he was seated along the front edge of the chair demonstrating his anxiety. I purposefully asked him a few questions like how the day went on, how far was his house from the school etc., and made an attempt to make him feel comfortable. I thought that I succeeded in my attempt as his body language and voice demonstrated relaxed tone.
Then I asked him, “Ok Vijay. You told that you wanted to share something with me. Go ahead. What is it?” He told the following with hesitance, “Ma’am. I am telling this to you because I feel that you could understand me better. I am unable to open this topic to my parents as well. I don’t want you to think that I am a bad guy after I complete telling you the details. I am experiencing a strange difficulty for the past few months. I am unable to control it even if i try my best”. I said, “What is it? Tell me. Let’s discuss about it”. He said, “I am getting attracted towards girls now-a-days. I am trying level best to stop it. I feel like talking to them. I want to be in their presence. I keep looking at my classmates during class hours and when they look at me I try to pretend as though I am not looking at them. I find it very embarrassing when my friends find this out. I knew that I am doing a wrong thing. But I don’t know what to do and how to overcome this. As a result I am frustrated and show that frustration on others at home. My parents get angry when I show that frustration on them and as a result it becomes like a blame game and I have lost peace at home as well. What should I do?”
I sat there listening to him. I realized that it was a very normal phenomenon that every adolescent had to face. I saw a sense of guilt on his face and understood that my role was to remove the guilt and not to add fuel to his feelings. I said, “Great Vijay that you had opened up. Thanks for the confidence you have on me. I have to tell you something. This is just a part of adolescence. You are now experiencing it. That’s it. Almost every normal adolescent experiences this. Not many are an exception. So there is nothing to worry about this. I have heard people saying that they manage such kind of feelings by accepting that it is a normal thing and divert oneself into activities like games, volunteering for an event, group studies, spending good time with family and with extended family members. That could be a good idea. At the same time, it is important to be aware that there is nothing to feel guilty about as this is a normal feeling. I suggest you just remind yourself about the need to be logical while your emotions attempt to take over. I am sure it’s not as easy as I explain, but it’s not impossible as well”.
He became quite casual and appeared relaxed. That gave me happiness and confidence. He left my cabin thanking me for the time while I reciprocated the same for his belief in me. Years passed and he came back to me and said, “What you said on that day, worked on me very well. If only parents could be open to our feelings we could share it with them. I wonder as to how many friends of mine would have experienced such stress, but no one to share with. Thank you, ma’am” I was glad.
At the same time I mulled over what he said. Yes, parents could really a good role in this respect. Once they start accepting the reality, I think children would feel more comfortable and share their feelings with their parents without fear. This could help them overcome the stress they experience in their adolescence.
Are we going to be someone who help our children overcome their stress or someone who blindly believe and assume that our children are superior and are well above reality?
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